Valentine's Day is coming up next week. For some Buffalo residents this will mean a romantic evening with their spouse or significant other. For others, it will be a painful reminder of a lost love or a failing marriage.

In some situations, Valentine's Day could even be a trigger for divorce. If you are in this latter category, you may be asking yourself what went wrong. How could you be getting divorced if you still feel love for one another?

In a recent article, speaker and writer Christine Arylo addressed this issue. Drawing on her own hard-earned life experience and wisdom, she told readers that in order to make an impending divorce as drama-free as possible, we need to understand that love isn't the only consideration in a relationship.

Arylo says that there three destructive lies about love and divorce that need to be dismissed. She says:

  • It is a myth that two people should not break up until they no longer love each other
  • It is a myth that any failing relationship would work if the couple could simply love each other more
  • It is a myth that a couple has failed as individuals if they allow a relationship to end

In short, Arylo says that allowing ourselves to believe these lies leads to destructive and self-destructive behaviors. This includes staying in unhealthy relationships for too long, making the eventual break-up much more painful and dramatic than it needs to be.

She also says that love is important to relationships, but it takes other factors of compatibility to make a marriage last. If those other factors are not present, we can choose not to be with someone despite loving them. In fact, that may be the healthiest option.

Romantic relationships are complicated, which is why Valentine's Day can create a wide range of positive and negative emotions within us. But if you are facing a divorce this year, perhaps Valentine's Day can be a time for self reflection. Hopefully, you will be able to gain some much-needed perspective and make your divorce more amiable.

Source: The Huffington Post, "When Love Isn't Enough: 3 Rules for a Drama Free Divorce," Christine Arylo, Feb. 7, 2012