A 34-year-old New York man is currently fighting for custody of his puggle named "Knuckles." His story illustrates the measures that some pet owners are willing to take in order to hold onto their beloved companions.
]]> The man claims that when he and his girlfriend broke up, he temporarily left the dog with her while he searched for a new place to live. He alleges that they both understood that Knuckles would be returned to him once he was resettled.But the ex-girlfriend tells a different story. She claims that her former partner "unconditionally gifted" Knuckles to her after the breakup. She has since moved to California where she claims the dog happily lives with her. In court papers, she added: "He has ample room to play, and lives in close proximity to a beach for off-leash dog-park outings."
So is the dog better off on the East Coast or the West Coast? The man claims: "He loved New York. He's a very happy dog. He'll be happy wherever he is - especially if he's with his dad and the friends he grew up with."
So far, the New York man estimates that he has spent $60,000 in legal costs trying to fight for custody of his dog. The case is especially expensive because it is being fought in courts in both states.
In an effort to continue his legal battle, the man has started a website hoping to find financial contributors. He was able to raise $85 in the first week, but this is a far cry from the $20,000 he is hoping to raise.
It is understandable that we form a close bond with our pets. They provide a lot of love, loyalty and companionship. But some in the family law community wonder how much money and time a pet owner is willing to sacrifice in order to keep custody.
In this case, the man has not reached his limit. He says: "I've pretty much gone through my life savings. It's worth it."
Source: New York Post, "Puppy love $tory," Dareh Gregorian, May 14, 2012
]]>Far from being likened to a diamond, their marriage lasted only 72 days before Kardashian decided she wanted out. Recently, Humphries said he wants her $2 million engagement ring returned to him. The question now is: does he have a legal entitlement to it?
]]> That's a tricky question to answer. A recent Huffington Post article consulted with a family law attorney who often handles celebrity divorces. He said: "An engagement ring is a gift of contemplation, a contemplation of marriage . . . If it doesn't take place the prospective husband has an argument to get the ring back. But this marriage took place."On the other hand, an expensive item like this is usually purchased under the good-faith assumption that the marriage will last at least as long as the leftover food from the wedding.
The article quotes an unnamed source close to Humphries who says: "Kris wants the ring back because the marriage only lasted 72 days and he believes it was based on fraud and deceit . . . Kris realizes that with Kim it's all about material objects and she truly treasures things over people in her life."
What do readers think? When the length of a marriage is easily counted in terms of days, should the scorned spouse be able to recover his or her expensive gifts from the one who broke things off?
Source: Huffington Post, "Kim Kardashian Divorce: Kris Humphries Wants Engagement Ring Back," May 8, 2012
]]>Last year, we wrote about an interesting trend that may make many of us rethink the importance of Mother's Day, especially as it relates to family law. Thanks to one particular website, we now know that unappreciated wives and mothers who feel slighted on Mother's Day are more likely to consider cheating on their husbands in the days immediately afterward.
]]> The site AshleyMadison.com encourages and facilitates marital infidelity. The site's simple slogan is: "Life is short. Have an affair." Over the past four years, the Monday after Mother's Day has seen a significant spike in the number of married women who create accounts on the site.Last year, nearly 53,000 women joined the site just after Mother's Day. By comparison, the site at that time had a daily average of about 3,000 new female customers per day.
The founder of AshleyMadison.com says the statistics make sense. He explains: "If that day comes to pass, and once again what [women] experience is a lack of appreciation, affection and respect, that is when the idea of taking on a potential lover takes full form."
He also believes that being slighted on this day is even more hurtful than on other holidays such as Valentine's Day. He says: "I think Mother's Day embraces more of what the image of a complete 'wife' is in most couples' minds. It includes family and extended family, and for many, that further highlights potential marital dysfunction."
It should go without saying that not every wife and mother who goes unappreciated by her husband will seek an extramarital affair. It is also likely that many of these women who sign up on AshleyMadison.com after Mother's Day do not have any intention of actually going through with one.
Still, this could be a cautionary tale. One divorce lawyer says that failing to show appreciation is a very common and preventable reason that couples consider divorce.
For this weekend, she gives men this piece of advice: "How to treat a holiday is subjective and it's different for each person, but if you care about your wife, you do whatever it is that makes her feel valued."
Source: Huffington Post, "Mother's Day 2012: Does The Holiday Give Wives A Reason To Cheat?" Natasha Burton, April 26, 2012
]]>Extra-marital relationships are potentially relevant, for example, if a valid prenuptial agreement states that divorce settlement consequences will result if such a relationship occurs. However, the distribution of assets between spouses is not usually affected by extra-marital relationship activity, due to the no-fault system available in New York and every other state.
]]> Exceptions can sometimes be made if assets have been directly affected by the extra-marital relationship. For example, if a marital asset, such as the home, is borrowed against by one partner in order to support his or her companion, this could affect how the asset and relevant debt are treated in the divorce settlement.In addition, if joint funds or marital property were given to a spouse's companion, these assets could also be affected.
In some states, fault-based divorce is still an option available to spouses. In these situations too, an affair may affect a divorce settlement. In particular, such activity may impact alimony payment obligations.
All money matters aside, extra-marital affairs may affect child custody disputes if, during the course of the affair, the involved parent exposed the children to inappropriate situations or people.
Finally, the emotional response of both spouses to the affair, which may include guilt, anger, resentment, etc., could certainly affect their approaches to the divorce case as a whole. This emotional response is harder to qualify, but is ultimately the most significant consequence for the purpose of proceedings.
Source: Huffington Post, "Divorce Questions: How Does Adultery Affect A Divorce Case?" Katherine Eisold Miller, May 3, 2012
]]>This can make the divorce process lengthy and expensive. Thankfully, a new type of legal specialty in gaining popularity in New York and across the country: the pet mediator.
]]> Pet mediators do not replace family law attorneys. Rather, they may be hired by the couple to work out a pet custody solution outside of the courtroom.According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, the fees charged by pet mediators are often less expensive than litigation, and the process may be the fastest way for couples to find a mutually agreeable custody solution.
Additionally, not every New York judge is willing to hear pet custody disputes, because unlike children, pets are usually regarded as property. One New York State Court-certified mediator explained: "Courts are bound by statutes and precedent and can't address the emotions owners may feel for their pets."
How does the process work? According to the article, the couple often sits down in a room together with the mediator. Each spouse takes turns expressing their concerns about the pet and describing their relationship to it.
By simply facilitating a calm atmosphere and a reasonable discussion, mediators can sometimes help couples come to a solution in a matter of hours.
New York couples who might want to hire a pet mediator should look for one who is both state-certified in mediation and has some previous experience resolving conflicts about pets.
Source: Wall Street Journal, "A Dog's Bark Is Better Than Litigation's Bite," Veronica Dagher, April 30, 2012
]]>In fact, a recent survey determined that almost half of American 20-somethings insist that they would "only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along."
]]> However, as we have previously written, cohabitation before marriage (depending on the circumstances) can actually increase the likelihood of a split down the road. This is unfortunate for the two-thirds of American 20-somethings who believe that cohabitation before marriage is a valuable tool in avoiding divorce, according to the National Marriage Project survey.Not all cohabitation is a predictor for divorce. In fact, recent research supports the idea that couples who choose to cohabitate only after becoming engaged or making another firm commitment to each other can actually strengthen their relationship through such a decision.
Nevertheless, non-engaged or otherwise loosely committed couples report being less satisfied with their marriages down the road. These couples are also more likely to eventually file for divorce.
It is becoming increasingly apparent that cohabitation without a clear commitment can lead to unhappiness and divorce later in the relationship. So couples may be wise to avoid cosigning a lease before they are ready to commit in an explicit way to a future together. It seems that waiting to take this step until you have "both feet in" negates what researchers are referring to as the "cohabitation effect."
Source: New York Times, "The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage," Meg Jay, Apr. 14, 2012
]]>Opponents of no-fault divorce claim that it makes the process too easy, thus making divorce more attractive. However, most have found that no-fault divorce simply makes the process less bitter and contentious, because couples no longer have to fulfill the embarrassing and difficult requirement of assigning blame for the breakdown of the marriage.
]]> Every state in the U.S. now has a no-fault divorce option. However, lest we forget its benefits, we only need to look at other countries without it. The New York Times recently ran a story about how many in England desperately want to see no-fault divorce instituted there.English divorce law requires that the breakdown of a marriage fall into one of five different categories. Like in the U.S., abandonment and adultery are among these categories. But about 50 percent of the time, couples are forced to assign ridiculous and far-fetched faults under the category of "unreasonable behavior."
Here are just some of the many examples:
Of course, these allegations are often dressed up in the legalese of the courtroom. One divorce petition stated: "The respondent husband repeatedly took charge of the remote television controller, endlessly flicking through channels and failing to stop at any channel requested by the petitioner." In essence, the wife was complaining that her husband hogged the remote and changed channels too quickly.
If these complaints seem ridiculous and nitpicky, it is likely because English divorce petitions must still assign fault. New York residents who have gone through a divorce realize that marriages just fail sometimes, and it is not necessarily due to the singular actions of either spouse.
Thankfully, we now have a state law that recognizes this fact and allows for no-fault divorce.
Source: New York Times, "Tuna Again? In Fault-Finding England, It's a Cause for Divorce," Sarah Lyall, April 7, 2012
]]>A Pennsylvania superior court has granted a woman custody of embryos which she and her husband had created during their marriage. This ruling surprised many, given that the husband wished the embryos destroyed and six states have previously ruled that unwilling individuals should not have parenthood forced upon them.
]]> The couple underwent fertility treatments just before eight rounds of chemotherapy and 37 courses of radiation for breast cancer left the woman in an almost certainly unfertile state. The superior court panel determined that, "because Wife cannot achieve genetic parenthood otherwise, we conclude that Wife's interest in biological procreation through the use of these pre-embryos outweighs Husband's professed interest against procreation."States vary in their approach to embryo treatment post-divorce. For example, Florida law states that if no prior agreement has been made, upon divorce, a couple has joint responsibility in determining how embryos should be treated. Louisiana, in comparison, gives embryos the explicit rights of living children.
The New York State Supreme Court has held that written agreements govern what is to be done with embryos post-divorce. However, the state does allow for discretion in certain cases, given the reality that humans tend to change their minds over time.
This area of law is both new and complex. It will undoubtedly continue to evolve as judges hear more and more cases related to this issue.
Source: Philadelphia Inquirer, "Pa. appeals court upholds awarding of embryos to wife," Marie McCullough, Apr. 15, 2012
]]>As a result of this stressful reality, it can be easy to argue both in person or electronically. However, it is important for parents to minimize conflict in front of children. Not only is witnessing parental conflict potentially traumatic for children, repeated or heated conflict with your former spouse or partner could endanger favorable child custody arrangements.
]]> Though parental conflict is potentially damaging to kids and teens of all ages, children under the age of five are particularly at risk of negative developmental growth as a result of witnessing conflict. Turbulent conflict can cause children to either delay certain developmental milestones or to regress from their previous achievements.Director of the Brain Center for Applied Learning Research at Seattle Pacific University, Dr. John Medina, wrote about the difficulties of witnessing parental conflict. He said: "The simple fact is that children find unresolved marital conflict deeply disturbing. Kids cover their ears, stand motionless with clenched fists, cry, scowl, ask to leave, beg parents to stop. Study after study has shown that children - some as young as 6 months - react to adult arguments physiologically, such as with a faster heart rate and higher blood pressure."
It can be incredibly challenging to avoid arguing with your child's other parent in front of him or her. However, understanding the physical and psychological consequences of doing so can help you refrain from arguing until you can obtain some privacy.
Source: Huffington Post, "Family Conflict and Children," Claire N. Barnes, Apr. 5, 2012
]]>Since then, the provision has caused a lot of controversy. The new divorce laws are being reviewed by New York's independent Law Revision Commission (LRC), which will likely announce their recommendations later this month.
]]> Even before official word from the Commission, a judge recently decided to dramatically alter the alimony and child support amounts awarded in one of the landmark cases that have caused many to question the validity of some of the state's new laws.When examining the details of the couple's situation, the original ruling seems highly illogical. The man was an investment banker who is now unemployed, while the woman is a guidance counselor with a salary of more than $100,000 per year.
In March of 2011, the judge ordered the husband to pay his ex-wife $17,000 per month in spousal support and child support. The problem with this, however, was that the man's take-home pay was less than $13,000 per month. Additionally, the man was laid off just five months after the original ruling.
Thankfully, the judge recently revisited the case and substantially lowered the ex-husband's monthly payments. Blaming unfamiliarity with the law, the court admitted to making "mistakes" during the original ruling.
Many in the New York family law community are eagerly awaiting recommendations from the LRC, which could prove legislatively influential in either scrapping the provisions or revising them.
But even before those recommendations are announced, it is heartening to see judges willing to revise rulings to better reflect the needs of both parties. As we have previously written, an individual's financial future may be different after divorce, but divorce laws should not result in financial ruin or undue hardship for either party.
Source: Wall Street Journal, "Divorce Ruling Revised," Sophia Hollander, April 1, 2012
]]>Last June, we wrote about a New York lawyer who tried to revise the terms of his high-asset divorce settlement years after it had already been finalized. The man had millions invested with Bernie Madoff, and when he and his wife divorced in 2006, she took her portion of the settlement in cash while he held onto the Madoff investments.
]]> When the fraud came to light, the attorney's $5.4 million retirement account was suddenly worth a lot less than he thought. Therefore, he made the rare and difficult move of petitioning to revise the settlement.Many who were watching this case said that it couldn't be done, and apparently they were right. Earlier this month, the man's case was thrown out by New York's highest court.
The Court of Appeals unanimously disagreed with the man's claim that the settlement was rendered void because the Madoff account had been included by "mutual mistake." Therefore, his ex-wife will not be required to share in the losses from the Ponzi scheme.
Explaining the Court's unanimous ruling, Judge Victoria Graffeo wrote: "This situation, however sympathetic, is more akin to a marital asset that unexpectedly loses value after dissolution of the marriage. The asset had value at the time of the settlement but the purported value did not remain consistent."
The schemes of Bernie Madoff have already greatly affected the lives and marriages of many New York residents. And with rulings like this, the Ponzi scheme may continue to affect the landscape of New York family law for years to come.
Source: Reuters, "Divorced attorney can't recoup Madoff fraud losses," Dan Wiessner, April 3, 2012
]]>Though many people dislike the idea of having to meet with prospective family law attorneys during the divorce process, these meetings do not have to be anxiety-ridden. Keeping a few things in mind should help you evaluate your meeting in an objective, productive and calm way.
]]> First, it may put you at ease to know that meetings with prospective attorneys are confidential. Attorneys are required to keep these conversations private. Therefore, you need not feel that you have to hold any information back. Because even if you decide not to hire the attorney you are speaking with, your status as a prospective client protects the information that you choose to disclose about your marital situation.Good attorneys will walk you through both what the attorney-client relationship and the divorce process will look like. They will not promise certain outcomes, other than that they will do their best to get you the fair settlement that you are entitled to. If a prospective attorney tries to "sell" you a certain outcome, you can quietly put up a mental red flag and move on to the next attorney.
It is also important to remember that it is perfectly justified to interview attorneys at any stage of the process. Whether you are simply contemplating divorce, have been served with papers or are in the middle of the process and wish to change counsel, it is important that you find the right fit for you.
Stepping in the door and meeting with qualified candidates is the only way to ensure that you are represented by the best attorney for your situation.
Source: Huffington Post, "Your First Meeting With A Divorce Lawyer," Jennifer Brandt, Apr. 2, 2012
]]>But New York residents might now have another resource to help them cope with divorce and adjust to the new realities that come with it. Last weekend, New York City was the site of what is believed to be the region's first major divorce expo.
]]> The event was hosted by a mother and daughter who are both divorce mediators. They hope that "Start Over Smart: A Modern Divorce Expo" will eventually become an annual tradition, noting that there is definitely a need for expos like this.Critics of such events argue that they only serve to promote divorce and otherwise make light of it. However, the expo's coordinators say that it is actually meant to build a sense of community and help divorcees and single parents solve common problems.
Some of these include problems communicating peacefully with a co-parent, becoming a single parent (with some information tailored to single fathers) and starting to date again. There was also reportedly a wealth of helpful financial and family law information as well.
One of the coordinators explained: "There's never been before a building of the divorce community. Even after divorce, people need a network of continued support to help them transition into their new, post-divorce life."
Divorce is not easy or simple, and it is encouraging to see that there are community resources available to help divorcees navigate the difficult journey. Hopefully, such expos will soon find their way here to the Buffalo area.
Source: Wall Street Journal, "Divorce Enters Expo Age," Sumathi Reddy, Mar. 28, 2012
]]>This creates a problem for same-sex couples who marry in New York but then move out of state. How can same-sex couples get a divorce in a state which does not even legally recognize their marriage in the first place?
]]> Two men living in Ohio are currently facing this dilemma, and their case has generated much controversy. They were recently granted a divorce by a private judge in a hearing that would otherwise have been short and "unremarkable."But gay marriage is not only unrecognized in Ohio, it was barred in a 2004 state constitutional amendment. One of the groups that promoted the passage of the ban was recently vocal in its opposition to the granting of this gay couple's divorce, and went as far as filing a legal brief in the case.
An attorney representing the group said: "Unfortunately, there are and probably always will be a few rogue judges who are going to ignore the Constitution. For our part, we will continue to urge them to uphold it." He explained that by granting the divorce, the judge necessarily had to acknowledge that the couple was married.
But an attorney representing one of the divorcees disagrees. He argues that the law and constitutional amendment only apply to marriage and do not specifically address same-sex divorce.
Same-sex marriage is still a very controversial issue. But regardless of one's personal opinions, it is easy to see that jurisdictional legal differences can create major challenges for same-sex couples. When a marriage is recognized in some states and not in others, it can negatively impact a number of other issues, including divorce.
Source: Columbus Dispatch, "Married in New York, local gay couple gets divorced in Columbus," Alan Johnson, Mar. 23, 2012
]]>But if you think your marriage or divorce paperwork is a bureaucratic nightmare, the story of one New York Woman's legal nightmare might put your own headache into perspective. In addition to having a husband whom she chose to marry, the woman was shocked to discover that she was legally married to at least three men whom she had never even met.
]]> In this case, identity theft was the key to solving the mystery. The Queens woman reportedly lost her birth certificate about 16 years ago. When she applied for a marriage license in 2004, the City Clerk's Office turned her down.On paper, she had already married two different men in 1996. One of her "husbands" had emigrated from Ecuador, the other from Mexico.
Nonetheless, she was able to marry her actual husband by applying for a license in a different jurisdiction. Her troubles appeared to be over. But several years later, in 2009, her Ecuadorian "husband" filed for a divorce and she was served with the papers.
Since then, she has been working diligently to clear up this legal mess, which appears to be an immigration scam perpetrated by several individuals. In January, a judge ruled that the two 1996 marriages were fraudulent and nullified them. However, the woman is still working to get rid of her final false marriage, which apparently was registered on Long Island.
Few of us will ever face problems like this. But nevertheless, divorce, child custody, child support and other family law matters can be difficult to navigate. That's why it may be beneficial to speak with a qualified family law attorney who can help individuals with everything from paperwork to making important decisions.
Source: Fox News, "NYC woman discovers she is 'married' to multiple men after identity theft," Mar. 17, 2012
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